the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
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