Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Randomize
