I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
