Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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