Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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