My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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