does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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