No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
