WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
