i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Randomize
