I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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