Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Randomize
