Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
