Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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