I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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