nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
