Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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