You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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