i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Randomize
