My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
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