The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
