Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Acid is not a monday night drug
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
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