I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
