ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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