She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
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