That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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