why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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