i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
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