the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
