Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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