I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize