i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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