Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
So vagazzling was a success
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
