eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Someone came in the potted fern
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
