I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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