Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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