Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Only a mothe r could love this liver
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
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