we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
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