If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
