I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
