i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
