Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Randomize
