We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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