I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize
