I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
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