Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
