is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Randomize
