Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Randomize
