I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
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You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
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she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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