just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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