Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Randomize
