I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
