is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
