I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
