How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
My Sexting was not on an AP level
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
