And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
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