Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
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