i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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