I want to have your abortion
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
