Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
