it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Randomize
