bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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