I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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