Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
