By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
