the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
