This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
