pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
