how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
So I just went to clothing optional bar
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
