I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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