found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
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