margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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