Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
