Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
