after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
Randomize
