Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
grandma shit on top of the toilet
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
